


I Needed You to Stay

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Malec One Shots [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: He comes back, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 23:37:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18486775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which choices have consequences. OR in which Magnus checks out of the game, God refuses to let him leave the chessboard, and Alec gets a second chance





	I Needed You to Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, shit, I'm out here crying my eyes out!!! I tried not to do this, but I lost the fight!!!
> 
> God's idea for Alec is shamelessly stolen from Constantine!!

_You're here, trembling with fear,_  
_You made it clear._  
_You turned your back and now you've gone astray._  
_Nothing left to say,_  
_What's standing in your way?_  
_You had the chance to never walk alone._

 _Facing all that you just threw away._  
_At the edge again,_  
_It's coming to an end._  
_You had the chance to never walk alone._  
~Gave It All Away, Red

* * *

It’s not hard to put two and two together and get four. Alec breaks up with him, and slowly over the next few days, his magic begins to come back to him. It’s really, truly not difficult to figure out what has happened. Of course, now his father is wandering around the city, too, at least that’s what he managed to take from Isabelle’s frantic and frankly incoherent text messages. But his father is Lorenzo’s problem now, Lorenzo’s and the Institute.

Alec.

He really can’t say he handled the break up well initially. He’d pretty much freaked out and emergency called Jem… Brother Zachariah, and all but begged him to erase Alec from his mind. Of course, Jem had called him an idiot and promised to take his memories if he still felt that way in a week’s time, only Magnus knows the truth now. Now he’s just angry and accepting, where before he was bereft, more lost than he ever remembers being.

Since then, he’s decided to inundate Alexander with fire messages, since they’re so much harder to ignore than a text or a call. Parchment just keeps building, and building, and building the more messages sent. Eventually Alexander responds with fire messages on of his own. All saying the same thing.

_No._

Magnus supposes that is on him, too. He could have handled the whole lack of magic thing better than he did. Could have, at the very least, sat down with Alec and tried to figure out how he was going to move forward, rather than throwing himself into the bottom of a bottle. So, that brings them here, him sitting at the top of one of the archways of the Brooklyn Bridge, staring down into the murky water below and sending fire message after fire message that he knows will never get him anywhere.

“Maggie?”

His eye twitches at the voice, the nickname, the audacity of his father to be here now. He refuses to bow to his will, refuses to take his eyes off the water gently swaying below him.

“Go away.” Magnus snaps, clenching his hands and refusing to turn and face his father, the mastermind behind the hell his life has become.

“My son-“

“Don’t think I haven’t figured out that you’re responsible for my boyfriend leaving me.” Magnus snarls, magic crackling at his fingertips.

“Hmm, the Shadowhunter broke our deal, you weren’t supposed to find out.” Asmodeus admits, and that does get Magnus’ attention, and he feels a sudden stab of pain in his neck with how quickly he turns his head to glare at his father.

“How dumb do the two of you think I am?” he all but yells, the incredulity dripping from his voice. “Alec breaks up with me, after weeks of preaching that he’ll be with me until the end of the line, that no matter what happens, he’ll still be by my side. That he wants to grow old with me. Suddenly, out of the blue, he breaks up with me, then my magic comes back, and suddenly you’re here. I’m not a fucking idiot!” Magnus growls, taking a deep breath in and trying to reign his anger back in when the water starts to churn and crash against the foundations beneath them. “You want to take my magic, back. Fine, do it. I’ve already lost it twice, third time is the charm, don’t they say? You’re free now, so why don’t you go and sire someone else to carry on your ridiculous legacy? I have a date with the East River, it would be rude to keep the lady waiting.”

“Magnus?” his father exclaims, but he looks gutted in a way Magnus has never seen before.

“You want to play games with peoples lives, you get to put up with the fallout, father.” Magnus points out, amused as he kicks his legs, where they dangle over the side.

“So, you’re just going to throw it all away?” Asmodeus asks, dumbstruck as he sinks down beside Magnus, looking down into the water far below.

“Why not?” Magnus questions, with a shrug of his shoulders. “Three months ago, I was High Warlock of Brooklyn, I had a home I loved, a job I enjoyed, power at my very fingertips, I may not have been well liked, but I was respected. Now, I have none of those things.” He explains, before he pauses, looks down at his hands and lets the magic rush over his arms, a swirling, roaring mess of blue and red. “Hmm, now I have only _one_ of those things.” He corrects, before glancing sideways, at his father. “Or perhaps, none is correct, if you decide you’ve been robbed.”

“I can’t really blame the Shadowhunter if both of us underestimated you.” Asmodeus reluctantly points out, moving himself so his legs dangle over the side as well.

“Thanks for that, by the way.” Magnus says, clenching his fist and closing his eyes. “Alec was… you know, he was really the only thing keeping me going. The last thing keeping me from shuffling off the mortal coil.”

“It wasn’t my intention to-“

“Don’t lie to me. You figured you’d take him away and slip into the void he created. Be the shoulder for me to cry on, so I’d happily follow you back to Edom. Well, you both lose. Alexander might not be my first love, but he is my last. Sometimes, when you love someone, you never get over them. Thanks to you, he won’t even speak to me. Getting him to even consider just being my friend is going to be almost impossible. Because of you, he’s lost to me forever.” Magnus states, breathing in deeply and shaking his head. “It’s alright, though, I’ve been living on borrowed time since Camille saved me.”

“Don’t do this.” Asmodeus requests, the closest he’s ever come to begging. “Magnus-“

“Did you think you’d die, when you fell?” Magnus asks, blinking the glamour away, letting his cat’s eyes free. Free to see the blackened wings that adorn his father’s back, wings that once upon time he knows were golden.

“It was a possibility.” His father finally replies, his wings shivering, Magnus assumes it’s in memory of burning.

“Well, maybe I’ll live.” He tells his father, saluting him before he throws himself forward, feels his father’s magic brushing against him in a futile attempt to bring him back, but really, after saving Alec, he’s figured out the necessary shields to prevent his father from saving him.

The water rushes up to meet him, faster than he expected, then all he knows is cold, sharp pain, and then nothing.

* * *

“You know, you’re going to hell, right?” a voice asks, from nowhere and everywhere all at once, it is the first thing Magnus becomes aware of as he wakes up, sitting up to find himself in a forest, that just seems to go on an on. He groans and presses a hand to his head, which feels like someone has taken a sledge hammer to it. “Oh, the pain will fade.”

“Who are you?” Magnus mumbles, trying to blink away the double vision as the world spins around him.

“Sometimes I ask myself that same question.” The voice replies, as a figure appears from nowhere beside him, they’re young, but that doesn’t say anything, since he appears young, too. “But you can call me Grandfather.”

“Oh.” Magnus exclaims, on a suddenly shaky breath. “Oh, so I didn’t survive, then?”

“Hmm, not yet, no.” his grandfather replies, shaking their head. “Of course, if I was inclined to let you stay dead, you’d be on your way to hell.”

“Yeah, I read that on the terms and conditions, thanks for the reminder, though.” Magnus responds, sarcastically as he lies back down on the ground, rubbing at his head again and closing his eyes. “Why am I here?”

“I’m sending you back.”

“Fine, I’ll be seeing you again, soon then. Do you know how many bridges I can throw myself off of? A lot.” Magnus points out, resting his hand over his forehead as the pain finally starts to subside.

“If I send you back with your magic, and the ability to fix things with the stubborn fool who is going to become my grandson-in-law, will you at least not throw yourself off the nearest bridge at the first opportunity?” his grandfather asks, sounding entirely put out.

“What do you get out of it?” Magnus asks, opening one eye to squint up at the being that would call itself the father of all.

“I have a lot of plans riding on your relationship with Alexander Lightwood. Together, you change the Shadow World, and the children you raise together continue your work.” God replies, shrugging their shoulders. “I’d hate to have to re-plan everything because my son took after me in the A+ Parenting arena.”

“Well, at least you acknowledge you were a shit father, I guess.” Magnus mutters, closing his eye again and sighing heavily. “I don’t see the point in going back, only to lose Alexander again in maybe forty or fifty year’s time, so, unless you’re willing to negotiate on that, no deal.”

“Fine.” God replies, then they fall silent for a little while, and Magnus figures they won’t be sending him anywhere, so he lets himself relax, it doesn’t last. “Sometimes, when mortals die, they pleased me so greatly in life, that I bring them back as an angel, if they agree. Would that suffice?”

“You’re going to make Alec a real angel?” Magnus asks, bursting into laughter at the thought. “Sure, okay. You’re the boss. You bring Alec back to me if he dies, I won’t go throwing myself off bridges, and we’ll change the Shadow World for you.” Magnus agrees, before frowning. “Wait, what’s going to happen with my father?”

“I’ll be sending one of his siblings to deal with that particular problem, but I believe he won’t be leaving Edom for a few centuries after this.” God admits, Magnus hums agreement before letting out a tired sigh.

“Alright, fine. Send me back.” He mumbles, preferring to simply stay here in the forest and rest, but knowing eventually he’d kick himself for letting this opportunity pass. “I’m ready.”

“I hope the next time we speak; it’ll be in better circumstances.” His grandfather acknowledges, before Magnus feels himself suddenly floating again, drifting in and out of consciousness.

* * *

Magnus wakes to yet another pounding in his head, but also to the feeling this his body is on fire, he can’t help the scream that breaks from his lips, and barely notes the frantic shouting all around him over the sound of his own screams. Quickly, he slips back into the darkness.

* * *

When he wakes again, the pain in his body is gone, but there is a heavy fog on his mind, and a dull ache, that doesn’t clear when he opens his eyes. He squints at his surroundings, finds himself once again in the Institute Infirmary, so he doesn’t believe he should be blamed for the disappointed sigh that escapes him.

“Magnus!”

“Oh, so you’re speaking to me, now.” He snaps, letting his eyes seek out the person the voice belongs to, as he reaches up to press his fingertips to his temple. He feels like he’s going to throw up and closes his eyes, breathing heavily in an attempt to keep whatever wants to come up down.

“I-I-I-“ Alec stutters can’t seem to find the words to explain, to give voice to whatever excuse he has to say.

“Never mind. Forget I said that.” Magnus states, when he thinks he’s not going to throw up. “How’d I get here? Last I remember was hitting the East River.”

“A portal opened and dumped you and a load of water on the floor in my office.” Alec explains, clearly having found his voice again. “I thought you were dead.”

“I was.” Magnus answers, pressing his fingers to his temples and clenching his eyes tightly shut, calling the magic forward to calm the ache, and to clear as much of the fog as he can, until he no longer feels like he’s trying to wade through thick sand just to think. “I thought you didn’t care?” he asks, knowing he shouldn’t bait, knowing he should be taking this opportunity to mend fences, to fix what his father broke between them, but he can't help himself.

“How could you think-?”

“I told you I lost _everything._ I told you that you were the only thing I had left, Alexander! What part of that makes you think I have anything to live for if you’re gone?” Magnus exclaims, pushing himself up on the bed and glaring at the Shadowhunter. “I told you that you were my everything, and you cast me aside!”

“I did it for-“ Alec pauses, trails off and shakes his head. “I had to do it.”

“Because my father told you to?” Magnus asks, watches the stricken look that forms on Alec’s face. “The pair of you think I’m stupid, I’m quite intelligent, thank you very much, you thought I wouldn’t figure it out?” he scoffs and shakes his head. “You know, this might have been a mistake.” He admits, looking around him. “But I guess reneging on a deal with God probably isn’t a good idea, huh?”

“What?”

“Oh, yeah, I superseded your deal with my dear old dad.” Magnus says, a sardonic grin on his face. “God themselves has given me my magic back, so you and my father can stop scheming behind my back.”

“It wasn’t like that.” Alec argues, crossing his arms over his chest. “I love you.”

“You broke up with me, when I had nothing. Even if I understand why you did it, even if I could forgive you, you broke my trust, Alec. You broke my fucking heart.” Magnus says, pressing his hand over his chest, breathes in at the memory of the pain he’d felt when Alec had left him. “I love you. I’m willing to figure this out, willing to try and negotiate this gaping abyss that is suddenly between us, but I need you to promise that you’ll never do something like this again. That you’ll never break up with me, because you think you know what is best for me.”

“Yes. Anything, I promise.” Alec pleads, stepping forward, reaching for Magnus, but he pauses when Magnus pulls away. “Magnus?”

“You really hurt me, Alec.” Magnus whispers, closes his eyes as they start to burn with tears.

“I-I know.” Alec answers, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing. You’ve… you’ve loved people before, lost them.”

“You never love the same way twice, Alexander. I love you like I will never love anyone else; you are my last love.” Magnus admits, swallowing thickly and turning his head away. “Without you… I had nothing.” He mumbles, chest suddenly tight, he doesn’t pull away this time when he feels Alec’s arms wrap around him. “I had nothing.”

“I’m sorry.” Alec whispers, pressing gentle kisses to Magnus’ forehead, his checks, and his lips. “I’m so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, and it was wrong. I decided for the both of us and it only hurt us both. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t leave me.” Magnus pleads, his voice barely audible. “Please don’t do that to me again.”

“I won’t, I promise. Never again.” Alec assures him, his arms tightening their hold on him. “Never again.”

“I forgive you.” Magnus whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to Alec’s cheek. “I have to tell you about my chat with God.”

“You were serious about that?” Alec asks, pulling back a little to stare into Magnus’ eyes. “But I thought-“

“I was really dead, Alec.” Magnus gently explains, breathes in deeply at the guilt he sees in Alec’s eyes, tries to ignore the way Alec is suddenly shaking. “Don’t even start. I made a choice, you had nothing… you had nothing to do with it.” Magnus states, even knowing the words won’t assuage either of their guilt, even knowing he all but blamed Alec for all of it when he woke up. Something to atone for later, when he's not still feeling like he came back from the dead. “Anyway, God has promised to give you the option of becoming an angel when you die, so you’ll be immortal. Its your choice, you don’t have to think about it until the time comes, but I wanted you to know.”

“What’s the price?” Alec asks, Magnus hesitates before pulling Alec into a kiss.

“Nothing that’s a hardship.” He finally admits, when he pulls away, breathless. Unable to let Alec know that this is the price to pay so Magnus won't throw himself off the nearest bridge, repeatedly, until God finally re-plans things. “I promise.” Alec frowns, but eventually nods his head.

“Okay.” Alec looks around the infirmary, and frowns. “Do you want to go back to my room?” he asks, and Magnus considers this, before nodding.

“I think after the week I’ve had, staying in bed and being cuddled by my boyfriend wouldn’t be out of the question.” He admits, Alec grins and helps him to his feet. Magnus glances down at his hospital gown and makes a face, quickly magicking up another pair of clothes. “Lead the way.” He says, placing his hand into Alec’s and letting himself be guided along the corridors he’s beginning to know off by heart.

They crawl into bed together, clinging tightly to each other and refusing to let go, even when sleep finally claims them, they’re still wound tightly against the other, nothing can separate them now.

God themselves could not separate them now, not that they would, of course.

* * *

_But you gave it all away,_  
_When I needed you to stay._  
_Just open up your arms I need you here._  
_I can't do this on my own,_  
_I got nothing left to show._  
_Open up your arms I need you here!_

 _You gave it all away,_  
_I needed you to stay._  
_Open up your arms I need you!_  
~Gave It All Away, Red


End file.
